Me, The 33-Year-Old Old Woman


Sarah claims that I need to watch more “age appropriate” shows. To her, that is anything on Bravo. I have absolutely no interest in any of the “Housewives” shows. She signed me up for a contest in which you watch “The Bachelor” and follow brackets. Her boyfriend was in first place last time I talked to her. In all fairness, Sarah doesn’t actually buy into any of those shows–she finds them purely entertaining.

I think the whole premise of the show is nauseating, but I was keeping an open mind. Sort of. When I watched on Wednesday (what did we do without DVRs) I couldn’t believe it. These seemingly intelligent women throwing themselves at basically a stranger. Claiming they were “soulmates.”

The episode was two hours long. Needless to say, the second hour was left unseen. Give me my “Code Black,” “Pure Genius,” or “This is Us” any day.

If I’m an old lady, so be it. I’m a happy old lady.


Slim To None He’ll Like You Whether You Lose the Weight or Not

At lunch Mom and I like to watch TV. It’s usually mindless, girly TV; you know, “Project Runway,” or a show I love and Mom saw for the first time today: “My Big, Fat Fabulous Life.” Luckily, Dad was getting the car fixed during lunch. Otherwise during these shows he provides a running commentary.

We watched one last week that I don’t think I will ever watch again, just on principle. “Fat Chance” follows an obese (or at least that episode did) individual who has eyes for a friend. The only reason to lose weight for her was so she would look better for her hoped-for mate!!

Women reading this, don’t you agree that that’s just sick? I didn’t know I had one, but I guess my inner feminist came out. As I was watching her kill herself in the gym, I wanted to scream HE’S NOT WORTH IT IF HE CAN’T ACCEPT YOU AS IS.

Then came the extremely awkward moment that she told him what she had been doing. And why. I cringed. I don’t really think of you in that way, he said. She stood there, devastated and humiliated.


My readers look like an intelligent bunch, and I’m not even 33, but I guess the moral of this post is that if it’s the right person, they will take you exactly as you are. If you’re going to change, do it for you.