A Long Road

Courtesy zenpsychiatry.com

I love my brain. It allowed me to graduate high school number 30 in a class of over 500. It allowed me to receive my AA and even take online classes to this day (I’m actually enrolled in a creative writing class as we speak). On the other hand, my ?!#$%ing brain (I’m too much of a lady) is my nemesis.

My condition is very similar to multiple sclerosis: the white matter in my brain was destroyed. But as MS is a gradual process, my damage happened all at once. The best doctors in the country are still scratching their heads. I went from being a high school freshman in a prestigious honors program to being in a coma a few hours later.

I think the most frustrating part is that I remember exactly how to do everything. Walking, for instance: you simply (ha ha) bring up your calf, bend your knee, and bring your hamstring forward. I remember how, it’s just my !#$% brain who forgot.

I still have physical therapy, and as anyone with MS will tell you everyday is different. I have therapy on Tuesday and Thursday mornings. Tuesday could be a good day, where I do everything perfectly, then I can’t do anything on Thursday. You get the point.

On my bad days, I tend to beat myself up. But something just clicked with me. I have no idea why it came so late on this journey, but I finally realized it’s not ME doing things wrong, it’s my bleeping brain.

That’s good news. I guess.

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