Now You Know

I know I started the WordPress “class” yesterday, but I decided that I would do my assignments when I don’t like the prompt and wasn’t going to write a post. Today, though, is a post day.

Okay, something in my life is maddening.  Rather, someone in my life: myself.

job-search-frustration-ftr

I’m one of those people that gets all excited at first, but then either get bored or quit when it turns out to be harder than I expected. It’s also embarrassing. Mom, who retired as a medical editor, is also now a writer. She and “I” wrote a memoir.   I use quotes because it was about ninety percent her, ten percent me.   Mom researched editors, publishers, and queries. I would have quit long ago.

I’m good at the goals. It’s the follow through that’s lacking.

I have two resolutions this New Year (I normally don’t make them because I know how I am).

Number one is to regularly donate to Loma Linda University Hospital’s Cheerful Encounters program. It’s a program where you can donate simple things like travel sized toiletries, soduku books, etc. to patients.

Number two is much harder. It would take several essays, but I’d like to write them to explain how I went from basically being an atheist to working with a Christian charity.

I’m hoping since you all now know that I’ve made two resolutions, I have to keep them!

A Long Road

Courtesy zenpsychiatry.com

I love my brain. It allowed me to graduate high school number 30 in a class of over 500. It allowed me to receive my AA and even take online classes to this day (I’m actually enrolled in a creative writing class as we speak). On the other hand, my ?!#$%ing brain (I’m too much of a lady) is my nemesis.

My condition is very similar to multiple sclerosis: the white matter in my brain was destroyed. But as MS is a gradual process, my damage happened all at once. The best doctors in the country are still scratching their heads. I went from being a high school freshman in a prestigious honors program to being in a coma a few hours later.

I think the most frustrating part is that I remember exactly how to do everything. Walking, for instance: you simply (ha ha) bring up your calf, bend your knee, and bring your hamstring forward. I remember how, it’s just my !#$% brain who forgot.

I still have physical therapy, and as anyone with MS will tell you everyday is different. I have therapy on Tuesday and Thursday mornings. Tuesday could be a good day, where I do everything perfectly, then I can’t do anything on Thursday. You get the point.

On my bad days, I tend to beat myself up. But something just clicked with me. I have no idea why it came so late on this journey, but I finally realized it’s not ME doing things wrong, it’s my bleeping brain.

That’s good news. I guess.